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Starr* Rathburn
14 September 2010 @ 01:00 pm
Went to the FWA crit group last night, to see if it's something that could help my writing, & I think it will. So I signed up. It's every 2 weeks, and we can bring up to 20 pages for members to crit. I'll be the 5th person in the group. It's for fiction only, which is a plus. And all the members are experienced writers, which means the crits should be good. Now I just have to find the notebook where my story is hiding! WHERE did I put that thing?!
Tags: ,
 
 
Current Location: looking for notebk
Current Mood: optimistic(cautiously)
Current Music: talk radio
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
13 September 2010 @ 04:49 pm
Close-mindedness might explain my sister, who cannot forget the past. When someone talks about holding a grudge, they can't compare to her. She still holds grudges from 20 - 30 years ago, when we were children. She has minimal attempts at pretending to be social in company, but inside, her mind seethes with her list of things people have (supposedly) done to her.

She will not listen when someone tries to explain that maybe she's seeing something the wrong way, or that there was a misunderstanding. Nope, it's her way and that's it. There's been a Wrong against her, and it can never be fixed.

This doesn't make me mad; it just hurts, so deep inside it feels like my guts have been torn out. My emotions fall on the floor, crying, wondering what I could've possibly done to incur such hate from someone who is Family. Family is the most important thing in the world to me! How can anyone in my family believe that I don't love them? My heart cries.
 
 
Current Location: Tampa
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
07 September 2010 @ 04:03 pm
Gonna go visit my sisters over there on the East coast of FL. Lots of drama going on there, but I'm gonna do my best to help. I hope I do the right thing, chose the right words, am able to help. I know Annie's really stressed out and I worry about her, espc. with her heart condition. Oh, why does life have to be so hard? (Joining the voice of many others.)

Gonna try harder to post here more often. Any writing is better than not writing. Just "thinking" about writing doesn't count, after all.
 
 
Current Location: Tampa
Current Mood: worriedapprehensive
Current Music: talk radio
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
07 September 2010 @ 04:54 am
Trying to beat my procrastination tendancies. I haven't been here for so long, I'd forgotten about my acc't here. Two months ago, starting going to FWA meetings again.

My god, do I need new glasses. Yikes.

btw, I can be found here:
http://www.helium.com/users/342679

It's my new place to hang out. Oh yeah, and fb too. I know; I was surprised too. ha.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1517651724&ref=ts
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
08 October 2009 @ 05:36 pm
Won't be online for a while... dealing w/ a crisis, like so many other Americans. *sigh*
Too depressed to write about it. So much for NaNo this year, will be caught up in the real world instead.
 
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
07 August 2009 @ 03:46 pm
Last week I got an email about a submission I made to "Angels on Earth" magazine. Yeah, I know...who'd have thought I'd sub there? ha. Anyway, it was accepted! My first time to be paid for my words. (Been in print before, but it was ages ago, and I didn't get payment.)
Only $25, but it's encouraging, to say the least.

After that, I finally got "The Great Compost Debate" to where I was satisfied. Sent that off to Green Prints mag. Mailed that out (by snail) about 5 days ago. It felt great to be subbing again.

So now I've got a new story I'm working on, to send to "Fear and Trembling" magazine. Not about angels, that one. ha. It's called "Acton, Revisited." Some of my friends have kindly critted it for me, so I think I may get it right by following their advice. (Thanks, Reannon and Kit.) I LOVE playing with words, finding just the right one. For me, re-writing has always been the most fun. I'll never get rich or famous with my words, but God, it feels good when someone says, "let me publish this." Makes me want to work harder at subbing than I've done in many years.
 
 
Current Location: Tampa
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: "You've been published!"
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
08 May 2009 @ 12:05 pm
Today I am trying to write a Mother's Day tribute for my aging mother. I've done this several years, and you'd think it'd get easier. But she's got a form of Parkinson's Disease and she's 1200 miles away, and thinking of her imminent death scares me into writer's block. "Block" isn't the correct term, but I can't even think of the correct word there! I have a Doc up on the screen, but every time I try to write something, I picture Mom as she is now and I get scared.

I know I need to force myself to write, just to get to it and force away this feeling of "can't write." Yet even as I think that, I feel my stomach clench. Writing this isn't helping. You'd think it would. When I decided to write this today, I didn't even know that I'd be writing about this.

This is the strange yet amazing thing about writing: It IS like magic. You don't know consciously what you want to write, or what you will write, yet when you sit down at a blank page, these words come out, seemingly by themselves...and I don't know where or even how I can do this, but I'm glad I can. Writing is almost always cathartic for me.

You'd think that would make me want to write more often, not be afraid of it. I think I'm one of those "afraid of success" persons.

And I definitely know that I use quotation marks way too often. OK. Time to get myself to work on my Mother's Day tribute. Need to get it in the mail to Mom!
 
 
Current Location: who cares?
Current Mood: apprehensive
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
06 April 2009 @ 12:50 pm
When I think of Norman, I think of his smile and the tenderness in his eyes. I don't actually remember meeting Norman; I can't even say when I started going to their house. When his daughter Kate and I call each other "old friend," we mean it literally: Kate's been my friend since first grade. I've been to their daughters' weddings and they came to mine. I feel I've known them forever, because the Leonard family has always been a part of my life.

I've been blessed to have three father figures: my Dad, my father-in-law, and Norman. When I was a teen, I spent a lot of time at Alyce and Norman's place, visiting Kate. Being there helped me through those "angst-ridden" teenage years. It was my second home, because I felt comfortable and welcome there.

I'm so grateful Norman and Alyce moved to Florida a few years after I did, because it gave my husband and me a chance to get closer to them. When the Leonards first moved here, we hadn't seen each other in quite some time. My husband and I weren't able to visit as often as we wanted to, so it was always hard to leave them to go home.

Just a few months ago, I was delighted when, as we talked about old times, Norman told me, "For a few years there, I thought we had four daughters." In the same way, it touched my heart when Alyce said we'd tell the hospital that I was one of their daughters so I could get in to see Norman there. I wanted to see him badly, to let him know that I loved him. These simple statements from Alyce and Norman meant a lot to me because they affirmed the close connection I've always had with their family. And I was able to give him a hug--for what I was afraid would be the last time.

When he got out of the hospital, they stopped by so Norman could see our new house. He was so pleased when our little terrier, Kuma, jumped right into their van to say hello. Dogs always know when people like them, and Norman was definitely a dog lover. Kuma knew Alyce from when she stayed with us last October. I think it made Norman happy that Kuma jumped right up to visit him, too. This is when we had our last hug, the last chance to say "I love you." He was kind of a gruff old guy, not really given to obvious sentiment. But I could see the love in his eyes.

Now Norman has gone home to Our Father in Heaven, so family and friends gathered together to celebrate his life. He loved his family and was proud of them. You could see that pride whenever he talked about them. He had a good life.

And Norman was a good man.


March 14, 2009

“When God's ready for me, I'll go.” --Norman L
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
28 October 2008 @ 06:47 am
It's cold! Only 48 degrees this morning @ 6 a.m. Too cold for us! I wanted to wait a while before turning on the heat, but this morning, my daughter woke me a half-hour earlier than normal to cry, "Mom, I'm freezing!" So the heat went on. Boy, she's so spoiled. LOL

We love her so much, so she gets about anything within reason. A high school senior now, which makes me very emotional! It's hard when you only have one child. However, I've (mostly) got her talked into going to university in Florida, so that makes things a bit easier. I'm sure that she, like me, will want to be out on her own after that first year of a taste of Freedom! But I want to put off that day as long as I can. *sigh*

She keeps saying she wants to go to University of Hawaii, but I keep telling her she needs to go to school here for two years first, then transfer. I can't help but be a bit selfish when it comes to losing my only child to the Great Big World out there. Right now she's eligible for at least one of the scholarships, but not sure if they provide a full ride. She's hoping UofH offers her a full scholarship. I know, I'll have to let her go, but it's just to soon to contemplate. I'm really proud of all she's done, her straight A's, etc. All her teachers love her, which was nice to hear at the last Teacher-Parent conference. She's such a good kid.

Man, I'm chilly. Need to dig out the sweaters! After a summer of electric bills near $200/mth, I'm hoping to keep it down for a month or two by not running the heat if I can avoid it. 'Course, that makes it rough since I can't STAND being cold. Oh well, such is life.
 
 
Current Location: Florida
Current Mood: pensiveresigned
 
 
Starr* Rathburn
11 October 2008 @ 12:46 am
Michael

Just last week, while sorting through pictures, I found a photo of our nephew Michael at our daughter's birthday party thirteen years ago. I put it on my fridge last Saturday, because I hadn't seen him for a while, and just looking at his picture made me smile. Three days later, we got the news that he had died in his sleep. Michael was only 27.

What I'll remember most about Michael is his compassionate nature. I knew Mike as a sweet, conscientious person, someone you could count on when you needed a hand. Michael was one of my favorite nephews, because he was consistently kind to everyone. He was a hard worker, especially when help was needed at home. It was easy to tell that he loved being with his family, and how much they meant to him. We grieve with them during this time of sorrow, and his loss leaves a deep hollow place in all our lives.

One of the reasons I loved Mike was because of his kindness. He always had time for my little girl. Every time we saw him, he seemed genuinely glad to see her. He'd talk to her a bit about whatever she was doing, and say something to make her smile. She thought "Uncle Michael" was pretty special, because she could tell that he loved her, too.

I don't remember the first time I met Michael Coons, but I surely remember the last. We were saying good-bye, so I gave him a hug and told him we loved him. He didn't say much in return, but his warm hug said what words could not. He was a wonderful, good-natured person, and we were blessed to have him in our lives. There will always be a special place in our hearts for Michael because of his generous and loving heart, and we will forever miss this fine young man.
 
 
Current Location: Brooksville FL